Saturday, October 20, 2012

This too shall pass

Image from {here}

 Do you know how many times I've used and heard used this mantra among young mothers? It's no wonder; being a new mom is hard work. Even when your child gets easier and older, there is still so much to be done. November is at my favorite age so far. Her high-needs personality is rarely visible. She's often independent and always cuddly. She's smart, learning quickly, listens well, and responds well to gentle, loving non-physical discipline.

But this past month has been increasingly tough with Spencer at his new job. Lately, I only see him for a few hours, a few evenings a week, and sometimes for a minute before he goes to work. Often I spend the entire day with only November. All the household and baby responsibilities are solely mine. This is so much to do alone! This week, with planning november's birthday and recovering and cleaning up the aftermath, has been particularly rough. Add to that extra emotions and loneliness, and you've got one depressed mama. 

I knew when Spencer started this job that it would be rough for awhile, and that was no joke. But I find myself feeling exhausted and drained and in need of some recharging. It's natural for me to put on a happy face and do it all myself, but I just can't. I have to ask for help. I keep wanting to reach out to Spencer and getting upset that he isnt here, but it just isn't reasonable to expect him to be available right now. He is so busy with this new restaurant. BUT IT WILL PASS! He will have days off again. We will have our evenings together again. We will share baby duty again. We will get our relationship back in balance, but in the meantime I NEED to take care of myself, before I break down and emotionally shut down.

To do this, I need to ask for help. Even though I keep telling myself no one is available, I need to try. I need to ask everyone. I need someone to come over and help with Nova so I can clean, do yoga, talk, socialize, and exercise. To be a good mommy I need to take care of myself! I have to ask for help.

This is a hard post to write, because it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. But it is therapeutic and I know so many people that can relate. This will pass, the good and the bad, the happy and sad. I will cherish every beautiful thing and give as much love as I can...and take care of myself!

Step one: date night starts tonight. We planned this night to go to a bar to see some bands play for weeks in advance, and boy am I glad we did. Even though I'm not feeling social (especially not in a bar atmosphere mood) and as much as I want to stay home with November, and I'm worried she will wake a ton while we are gone, I really need a night out with her daddy. Here's hoping this is the magical cure to what ails me!

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