Sunday, October 6, 2013

Being single

  I have never before been so content being single. I love being single right now! At the moment, I feel no desperate need to date or to have a boyfriend. In fact, the idea of dating right now sounds more annoying than anything.

And it's not that I'm avoiding dating. It's not that I wouldn't date someone. It's just that I feel like it would take quite the 'someone' to win me over right now, and I'm just not interested in wasting time with anyone less than that 'someone.'

And it's not that I'm afraid of losing my freedom and single lifestyle. It's not that I'm 'living it up' or partying. It's not that I'm relishing attention, struttin' my stuff as a single lady. In fact, my lifestyle is pretty calm. I work, I interact with friends, go out from time to time. Or I'm at home, being a mommy, playing with November, laughing, acting silly. Or I'm working on goals, making art, writing songs. Or I'm cozy on the couch watching a movie, or reading a good fantasy book, or some non fiction, or the bible (yes, I read the bible in my free, single-lady time!) 

I'm just so in love with my life, my blessings, my day-to-day joy that I'm just not obsessed with changing it, like I may have been previously. There was a time when every moment spent single, without a relationship in the works, I felt the absence of a partner in every activity, every moment I lived. I just kept thinking how my activity or experience would be better if I had a boyfriend, if I had someone to share the moment with, if I had someone to come home to, help me take care of November, help me make decisions, bring me soup when I'm sick, watch movies with, be there for me. It didn't even matter whether or not he was the one, I just wanted, well, one.
Lately I've just felt complete as I am. Whole. My life is perfect just the way it is, with all of its flaws. There is no lack just because I'm single. My parenting isn't less because I'm a single mom. My experiences aren't any less joyful being experienced alone. I have a beautiful blessed life, I have November, I have family, I have friends, and I have God. 

Sure, it would be great to start a life with someone, to be with my soul mate, to fall in love again. But it shouldn't be two incomplete people looking for someone else to make life better, as so many relationships are. It should be two complete, whole people, creating something even bigger by being together. And that's what I want for myself.

I think a lot of this sense of 'completeness' comes from focusing on my spiritual life, deepening my relationship with God. It makes it easier to feel unconditionally loved, and to feel that love for others, instead of focusing on some lack of love. It fills that void I thought had to be filled by a romantic relationship; on the contrary, ONLY God, connecting to the light, can fill that void. And it makes it easier to let go, knowing God has my back. The right things and people will happen at the right time. The right guy will come into my life, if it is meant to be, when it is meant to be.

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