Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Lone Wolf {the temptation of a jaded heart}

While my humor may be cynical and I often joke about being old and jaded (not to mention I have a greeting card line called Pessimistic Hearts), in all seriousness there is nothing admirable about truly having a jaded heart.

This is the meaning behind a new song I've written called Lone Wolf. And while the tone throughout the song laments the life of the jaded heart, I meant to convey so much more. Now, let me just say that I think it's cheesy as fuck to break down the lyrics to my own song, but that's exactly what I'm going to do. I feel like this is a subject so many people can relate to, and I have a lot more to say about it than my 3:35 minute song could allow.

Here are the key points in my song:

"I've been a lone wolf for so long I think I've lost my pack."

There is a difference between being independent and being isolated. Sometimes experiences in life require you to become fiercely independent. This is good. But often it can shift into an extreme, from "I can do this on my own" to "I have to do this on my own and I don't trust anyone to help me or be part of my life." You can get so used to doing things on your own or for yourself/family that you forget how to incorporate others into your life. This can become a challenge when making new friends, starting new relationships, or even nourishing the ties you already have in place.

Be a wolf. A fucking badass wolf. A lone wolf, at times. But don't completely isolate yourself from your pack, or be afraid of starting a new one.

"All the dreams I used to make have all been put to rest."

Disappointment is a bitch. And it comes at you from all sides at different times. You can be disappointed by your friends, family, a relationship, a job, an opportunity, a dream or goal you had, yourself, or just life in general. You put so much effort into building dreams and having hopes in certain outcomes, and sometimes life just doesn't deliver. Yes, often life delivers so much more than we ever could have dreamed up ourselves, but other times...fuck. It can be tempting to just stop dreaming or caring about what happens altogether.

Perhaps you're one of those people who believe in fate, and that as long as you stay positive, the universe knows best and will deliver exactly what you need. While this is a more positive manifestation of giving up on "dreaming," it can still result in the same thing if taken to the extreme; a jaded heart. While it's important to remain open to what life throws your way and avoid becoming fixated on any certain outcome, when you give up on goals, hopes and dreams it's hard to be excited about anything, even when good things do happen.

Don't give up on dreaming. Oh my God that sounds cheesy. But for real. Don't. Keep hoping for things to go the way you want them to. Put your heart into it. Direct your positive energy toward it. Of course, stay open to the numerous other ways that life can surprise and delight you, but give your heart something to care about.

"Why don't I fall in love anymore? Is it because I shed no tears? Is it because I'm shrouded with fear?"

Another effect of disappointment is ultimately pain. Many of us have had our share of painful disappointments; the death of friends and family members, hurtful breakups, traumatic experiences. Sometimes you reach that point where it just hurts too much. It hurts too much to process a certain issue. It hurts too much to put yourself in any situation that could cause you pain similar to what you've already felt. Maybe you start avoiding pain entirely. You protect yourself from disappointment by never letting yourself feel anything too deeply.

Here's the thing; if you protect yourself from one emotion, you protect yourself from feeling the full spectrum of emotion in general. That means, if you avoid pain and disappointment, you often avoid the opposite too; love. For example, if you avoid disappointment by never letting yourself get too involved or hopeful or interested in relationships, chances are you won't find love, at least not a healthy one. And if you avoid processing a painful situation or experience, you won't be able to experience the relief of healing and the wisdom that awaits on the other side.

Holy fuck it's scary to put yourself out there when you've been hurt. It's terrifying to face your demons. But it's meaningless to live a life without love.

"I should have no fear."

This is the most important part of the whole song. This is how it ends.

You honestly can't avoid fear. Going about life, taking risks, putting yourself in any position to be hurt or disappointed is going to be scary at times. The key is to feel it and then move past it anyway. Feel it, but don't own it.

Don't give in to the temptation of the jaded heart. Sure, let yourself grow wiser, stronger. But don't let life make your heart grow cold. Want something. Go for what you want. If you don't get it, feel the pain and then do it all over again. Fuck, I know it's exhausting. But if you narrow your capacity to feel, you won't feel the good things when they finally happen.

Have no fear; don't let it own you.

"I SHOULD HAVE NO FEAR."

Cheers to hope, dreams, disappointment, love and all that follows.

{Hear my original song at soundcloud.com/tessonja-odette/lone-wolf}

1 comment:

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